 | | Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire |
Die-hard readers may be shocked at a Potter review on this site that likes to pride itself on the promotion of independent artists and lesser-known artistic displays. But everyone once in a while, there comes along a phenomenon so wide and far-reaching that both indie-fans and Destiny Child's fans agree that such a thing is worthy of praise. It's a rare occasion, so when such an occasion rises, we do our best to keep our fingers on the pulse of the nation.
The latest agreement between hipsters and fans of Lindsay Lohan is The Harry Potter Phenomenon, which is currently riding yet another wave of adulation and financial security with its latest movie release to date, the Goblet of Fire.
Disclaimer aside, we're still going to try and save any street cred that we may have here at the ol' indieworkShop by not falling into some Siskel slant (Siskel, not Sisco) and avoid discussing character development, shot sequences, and the ability to transfer the written word to the big screen. We're keeping the indie in indieworkshop and explaining Potter to those who either don't care or are too cool to admit caring (we saw you buying that Hogwarts scarf, nice try).
As a whole, the movie is a darker affair than the others. Snakes, goblins, dragons, and the Dark Lord (who was way sexier in The Constant Gardener). Wizards talk about he-who-cannot-be-named, Potter's scar hurts, he has bad dreams, blah blah blah. Its all there for the bookworms to discuss late at night in chatrooms with geeky Internet names like ParryHotter1986 or HogwartsRulezz1989.
Those involved with Potter Inc are hip to what the kids are doing, so they've shagged the mops of the Weasley brothers, added some mandatory sexual inuendoes to the entire affair, and added a hard-hitting band to perform at the annual Christmas Ball.
And if you were having suspicions that Potter wasn't for the wee ones before, wait til you see Ron Weasley stare at the asses of some Blue beauties, Hagrid get reprimanded for trying to grab the ass of the Tall lady while dancing, and Cho Chang flirt the balls off of Potter atop some tower (talk about a cock block). There's even a scene with Potter in a hot tub having to cover up his package because some dead ghost named Myrtle is trying to find out what the wizard's been hiding all these years.
Hermione is in on the action as well; she's got some hormones flowing' for ol' Ron Weasley, but as mentioned, he's got eyes for the Blue beauties. Hermione goes to the Christmas ball with Viktor Krum (gasp!) but as she later notes, Victor's more into physical things (the packed crowd loved that shit).
For the director and the rest of the cats involved in bringing this movie to big screen to assume that jokes about the size of Harry's package are acceptable is somewhat naive. When it comes right down to it, the Potter series is for kids. Sure, adults enjoy the books, but at the root of it all, Rowling's target audience is kids. Anyone who disagrees is getting a Firebolt between the eyes. While good for an occasional laugh, the numerous sexual jokes and pranks could have been left on the cutting room floor, perhaps to be released later as The Director's Cut: Wizards Gone Wild.
- Darren Susin | 2005-11-21
