 | | The Benchwarmers |
What the writers, directors, producers, actors, and anyone else involved in this movie wanna see right here is some glorious praise, something like "get the whole family and watch this fun film." But you see, payola's not working here at indieworkshop, so instead what you're going to get is me wondering just what the hell it was that inspired me to lay down my gift certificates last night on the counter and speak the dreaded words I'm now regretting: Two for the benchwarmers please. I should have known better. David Spade, Rob Schnedier, Jon Lovitz, and that guy from Napoleon Dynamite. Not exactly all star, but we were too late for Akeelah and the Bee so we had no choice.
The movie is bound to be bad when Rob Schneider is made out to be the cool guy. Rob fucking Schneider as the cool guy? This has mis-cast written all over it. This is in fact, a lesson on how NOT to cast movies. That guy from Napoleon Dynamite can forget about "breaking out" of the ND role that made him a favorite of high school kids everywhere. His character in this movie is virtually the same dufus-driven, ‘you're an idiot' schtick that made him famous in the first place. All we needed was Pedro Sanchez and his wicked moustache and this could have been called a sequel. Well, a Kip cameo would have sufficed.
The only somewhat memorable character is Amaury Nolasco (of Prison Break fame) who plays a talented baseball player from the Dominican Republic. Unfortunately, his time in the movie is limited to 10 minutes and we're stuck again with David Spade making jokes about having never kissed a girl, his agoraphobic brother, Jon Lovitz being a zillionaire, and midget jokes.
Getting into the plot would only waste more time thinking about this movie slash advertisement. Pizza Hut paid huge dollars to someone, Sony Vaio's seem to be what every geek is using to download porn, and Pepsi is being consumed all day, every day by everyone.
Don't make the same mistake I did and for fuck's sake, can someone tell Jon Lovitz to retire already?
- Darren Susin | 2006-05-10
